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No statement in the history of Man has been more factually incorrect than, “The customer is always right.” In fact a woman probably was the first person to have said something so utterly stupid. If the customer had any idea what was right or what exactly it was that they needed or wanted they would have invented the product, did the work themselves, or owned the company where the product was made.

The customer is their own worst enemy

I was a professional car audio installer for most of my life. Notice I said was. I probably would still be a car stereo installer if it were not for one thing, Cheap dumb customers.

When I started installing it cost $34.99 plus installation kit and wiring harness to install a car stereo. About 50% of customers thought $34.99 was to much money to spend having a $500 radio installed in their car. They would buy the radio, the kit, and the wiring harness and leave the store saying they would install it themselves or that they had a friend that would install it for them.

Here is what a self install or an installation done by a friend looks like.

2 to 3 days later 99% of those cheap bastards would be back expecting us to fix their f-d up install for the $34.99 we quoted them in the first place.

I would pull the car into the installation bay, sniff the magic burnt electronics smell in their car, notice the installation kit was broken, and discover the dashboard had been broken or scratched. Then I would head back to the front of the store and inform the salesMan that they would need a new radio (that had not been fried), a new installation kit (that was not broke), and if the customer would like their dashboard to look like it did 2 to 3 days ago I would need to order a new dash piece from the car lot. New cost, $500 radio, $29.99 dash kit, $300 factory dash board piece, and $100 installation charge leaving a grand total of $929.99.

The customer would have this look on their face like you just pissed on their leg. Then their demeanor would change to disbelief then quickly changing to rage and accusing you of trying to screw them. They could never admit that the were wrong for thinking that a trained monkey such as themselves did not have any idea how to install their own stereo and that they were responsible for destroying their new radio and car. They would leave the store and say they were never coming back and that they were calling the better business bureau.

We new this was bullshat and like clock work 2 to 3 days later the customer was back (after they called the dealership and found out that the dashboard would in fact be $300 for a new one and that they would charge $1,500 to install the radio.) I would install the radio show the customer how to set the clock and use their new radio and they would be on their way. Those were the good old days of car stereo installation. Soon the cheap bastard customers of the world devised a new strategy of believing they got something for nothing.

The end of the professional car audio installer

One day I got to work and was informed of some price changes to radio installations. All radios that were purchased at our store were now “FREE”, the radio kit price had increased by $10, the wiring kit was now $7.99 more, and all radios had gone up $20 in price. Do the math (if you are a Man) you’ll realize the price to get a “FREE” radio install has just went up $3. Customers being as wrong and cheap as they are were convinced that since the installation was “FREE” they were getting something for nothing.

I made a huge stink about the new policy and told the owner that if he kept this up I would quit and take most of the installers with me. He assured me that I was still getting paid the same to install a radio the money was coming from the price increases to pay for the installation. I informed him that he was right about the pay, what my problem was is that they (the owner and the customer) just devalued my job (car audio installer) to something that was not worth paying for. I assured him that it would not be long before customers were demanding all installations be “FREE” and that every other install shop in town would follow suit and before you knew it the quality of installation and installers would be that of carnival workers.

It didn’t take long before customers were demanding that if radio installs were “FREE” why did they have to pay for amplifier installs, speaker installs, and all other installs. Once you give a dog a bone you can’t take it back unless you want your hand ripped off by a crazy mutt. Soon most installs were “FREE” and customers started treating the installer like waitresses that brought them a well done steak that was still bleeding. Installers paychecks began to slowly go south like a bird with one wing.

You get what you pay for, and if you didn’t pay you get Jack and shit

Installers started leaving like a prostitute after the 30 minutes were up. For the few installers that stayed they were usually pot heads and convicted felons that could not get another job. Before I quit I was getting paid to fix all the mistakes that the inept installers were making because there is little pride for doing a job that everyone expects to be done for “FREE”. The once professional profession of car audio installation soon became what it was worth in a customers eyes, “FREE”. “FREE” of any talent, “FREE” of any pride in a job well done, and “FREE” of any give a craps about the customer. You get what you pay for and when you are not paying for your installation you get a stoned pedophile sniffing the seat of your car and going through your glove box to find your address.

I decided to leave car audio installation and get a job in home audio which didn’t take long before dumb customers started demanding “FREE” installation. DirecTV hammered the final nail into my home audio installer career by offering a 4 room DirecTV install for you guessed it “FREE”.

So what have we learned

Well if you are a Man you probably already knew that nothing in life is “FREE”. If you are a woman and actually read this far chances are you are pissed at me for telling the truth about your lifelong dream, to get everything for “FREE”.

Customers are rarely right and usually besides being cheap bastards, end up shooting themselves in the foot.